Here’s a “bah-humbug” post for the season. Consider it my cynical attempt to help control the world’s population.
I know many young people who think children are fun, cuddly, adorable. Basically like teddybears that you get to dress up and take out in public.
Here’s a warning: they don’t stay small and easily controlled for long.
They wake in the middle of the night screaming for reasons they can’t articulate. And you, yes you — the parent — have to stay up with them, hoping they will be okay. Sometimes, they end up in the hospital, in the ER waiting room. And again you, the parent, stay with them, trying to keep them comfortable and safe while you wait (hours, maybe) to be seen.
They are expensive. Those cute little outfits don’t grow on trees, and the things from the baby shower are inevitably outgrown within the first 6 months. Oh — and diapers. Whether cloth or plastic, they are expensive. Laundry bills go through the roof if you use cloth; and not only the initial cost of the plastic diaper and its disposal fees will hit you, but you do have to consider: if I use plastic diapers for my own convenience and the baby’s comfort, will there be an environment left when this child grows up? Oh — and those ER visits? combined with the regular doctor visits (planned and urgent) add up. Insurance is a must, but it doesn’t cover everything. Remember to save up for braces.
Then they start to grow and develop their own personalities. The first little defiant “no” is cute. The three-million-and-twelfth is not so cute. In fact, by the four billionth (or thereabouts) when the child is a teenager, it’s pretty annoying.
Oh yes, there are the hugs, the quiet story-telling evenings, the games you love to play (Candyland, Chutes and Ladders — and later Monopoly or Risk), the Halloween costumes and parties… plenty of nice interludes where your parental heart swells with pride and you think you’ve finally caught the hang of this parenting thing.
And then they have another birthday — and another “stage” begins and you are tossed back into the shark-infested water of toddlerhood, preschooling, early school years, pre-adolescence, adolescence…
I can list out some of the more common features… child’s reluctance to (fill in the blank), passive defiance, active defiance, blantant disregard for the rules, blatant disregard for others’ feelings, blantant disregard for safety (see rules), passive homework avoidance (I forgot…), active homework avoidance (I don’t have to do it), procrastination, HORMONES: pimples, full-blown acne, puppy love, angst, adoration of an object of affection completely unworthy….
Don’t forget “You never let me do anything!” and “Everyone else does!” and the perpetual stomping of feet and slamming of doors.
Their interests will not be yours, their friends may not be to your liking. Their independent thoughts and unique talents will be leading them onto a path you won’t be able to follow for long.
All of this while you are trying to keep them fed – watching what they eat and providing a balanced diet, clothed (they can grow – and grow – and grow – and outgrow new clothes within a month), housed – as safe a neighborhood as you can, plenty of activities to stimulate their growing brains, … this list is long, many items are optional, but they all seem so important. Oh — and if there is the slightest chance your child might be college-eligible, you try to put something aside for their post-secondary education.
An average child has a pretty good chance of going to college…
But don’t forget, the “average” child doesn’t exist. Almost all children come with an extra challenge or two: some are just “a little slow” while others are barely trainable, some are not socially adept and constantly land themselves in trouble, others are gifted in some way that merits extra attention, still others will require supervision and assistance for their entire lives. A few families get lucky and have healthy, capable children who waltz through childhood unscathed.
But to be honest, most of the families that seem put-together just face their challenges in private. So there are worries, expenses and inconveniences that you will undergo that just happen — you can’t plan for them, and you can’t avoid them. You just have to deal with them.
Sleepless nights don’t end when the children reach preschool age. There are late nights for school performances, too. And sleepovers — you will host a few, most likely. And camping trips and field trips. When your child is older can goes off with the high school team you wait up until the bus is back at the school and you can retrieve him. When there is a school dance, you wait until the car pulls up in the driveway and she walks in the door.
You ask, “How was your day” every day, hoping for details, but getting just “okay” if you’re lucky. Most days. Other days, you will get an earful.
Now, assuming your job as a parent is to teach your children the skills they need to survive as adults, you will teach them hygiene (bathing is more difficult than it seems), communication skills (name-calling is not okay, cursing is not okay, and a “please” or “thanks” would be appropriate here…), and any of a million other skills. If you can.
Did I mention that children regress? One day, they have all the above skills, the next they revert to some sort of bog creature. With foul manners and fouler breath.
And then someday, since most children manage, because of or in spite of all your efforts, to grow up successfully, they will leave home. A card or phone call, pictures on the wall, the occasional visit will be all that remains.
And your heart, all your hopes and dreams, will be out in the world with them. Forever.
And you will be asking yourself… was it worth it?
And the answer will be
YES.
Leave a Reply