Children and high-tech safety issues

Note to readers: I began this 16 days ago, and then was so busy this month it languished. Hopefully it’s still somewhat relevant.

I just finished reading an editorial on CNN, called The Secret Life of my Sixth Grader.  The comments and the piece itself gave me much to think about, and reminded me that I wanted to address this issue myself.  So here goes:

A “red flag” to me is the author’s comment about thinking her son knows the difference between friends and strangers.  After chatting online with someone several times, many children think they are actually “friends” — 11 is still fairly young and most kids that age are not able to handle abstraction or ambiguous situations.  Middle and high school students are not generally mature enough to grasp that online communications are NEVER completely private nor that the unseen person on the other side of the conversation might be lying about all the details of their lives (a middle-aged man posing as a teen, for example).  As a teacher, I expect students to be able to access and use the internet and other communications appropriately for school; I teach what “appropriate” is, and monitor for compliance.  As a parent, I told my children to expect me to “snoop” as long as they live in my home and I am legally responsible for their actions and safety.  That applies to going through dressers and boxes occasionally as well as expecting to see what is on their computers (as computer-savvy parents we can and do block many sites from home) on the rare instances we don’t have passwords for specific accounts.

As a teacher, I am part of a community that is gearing up to include more and more technology in the schools. I am on the periphery (since I don’t have my own classroom, many discussions are not currently relevant) looking in, and occasionally asking questions based on experiences I have had or am having in the schools I work in. Most of the excitement among educators is in the many possibilities that connected learning present: “flipped” classrooms (where the teacher records a lecture or directs a student to online sources for previewing before work in class); collaborations between students from different schools or even nationalities; collaboration on larger projects within the classroom community using online tools such as Google Apps; online, 24/7 (hate that term, but it fits here) communication potential between students, parents and teachers using social networking. Many schools are experimenting with “BYOT/BYOD” where students bring in their own technology or devices (usually a cell phone, more affluent communities have tablets or laptops in kids’ backpacks).

Most schools that have any kind of internet access filter the content that can come through their servers. There are “kid friendly” search engines and social networking sites that pre-filter, screen and monitor content before it reaches the school. Teachers also monitor students’ use and will teach internet safety, citizenship and responsibilities as appropriate.

And yet… I still see many children in the schools who don’t use the technology appropriately. It worries me that when I see two or three students together (outside of school hours — generally devices are disallowed during school unless in a monitored setting) they aren’t talking, dreaming, playing or interacting with the people around them, but exercising their thumbs by texting to people elsewhere. I see students with their heads down in class, texting… sharing photos…

We can teach the appropriate uses, and make it clear what our expectations are, but so often (as with everything) the children don’t take it to heart.

And truthfully adults are poor role models. Just as the previous generations often had parents who came home, popped a TV dinner in the oven and sat down on the sofa for the rest of the evening, so this generation has parents who check their cellphones/blackberries/tablets during concerts, conferences and field trips. If parents are more interested in the social network that is online than in the people and activities around them, no wonder the kids are confused!

How can they distinguish between what is a good use of technology and poor uses when the adults around them don’t model it?

How can children be safe in the ways they use technologies (note that many video game consoles now also connect to virtual friends and social networks!) when the adults in their lives don’t take reasonable precautions against releasing “identifying” information?

I am a highly “wired” or “connected” person, myself. I have a laptop that is often open on my lap while I watch TV. I have a tablet that I read the news, books, play games and check the time and weather on. I have a smartphone that allows me to search the internet and check road conditions at any time. Much of this is related to my graduate schooling that has thankfully ended — I needed ways to be reachable and to do research. But I continue to maintain nearly daily use of the devices.

For my children, I have tried to model conscientious use. I have pointed out that I rarely use my real name online (you can find it, but generally it takes effort), never release my home address or phone number online (unless I know the person well), etc.

When my children were little, I didn’t use their names online or tell people their ages. Thus, stidkid #1 and stidkid #2… now known as Matthew (no longer a teenager, by the way) and Grant.

We spoke often and at depth about security issues… and then Tom lovingly blocked most of the sites that were likely to cause troubles for curious, growing minds. We ask our children to be open about the sites they visit and what they do online, and have always reserved the right to pry.

This is what loving parents do.

This is what conscientious teachers do.

It’s called “gradual release of responsibility” and if we get it right, our children will have the benefits of the technological age into which they were born and few of the losses.