A long, difficult week

Difficult mostly for other people, for me, just long and sad, but with some very good moments in between.

It began with the death of one friend’s spouse, and ended with the passing of another friend’s partner. Cancer, both. Hard fights, both. Me at a distance, unsure what to do, how to help. I hate it.

In between, I had five pretty-much full-time work days. First grade four days, Fifth grade for an hour, and four afternoons in sixth grade. And in between, a lot of driving. And the whole week was gray. It rained Thursday (day-long field-trip) and Friday (indoor recesses). A long, gray, wet week.

This was my last week working at the one school — the end of the two-week 6th grade Language Arts unit. Next week is my last week in first grade. And then summer, which looks like it will be rather more financially impactful than I had anticipated. With gasoline above four dollars a gallon even at the cheap locations, and a commitment to drive into town five days a week (in addition to Tom’s work) for the children’s activities, we will be counting every mile, every penny.

I am mentally and physically exhausted today. Slept eleven hours last night, and a couple more for a nap just now. And yet… I am still tired.

Why am I writing this? Because perhaps I am not the only one. Perhaps you, too, are dealing with loss, with stress, with uncertainty. Perhaps you are anticipating a change in schedule, in work-life, in circumstance. Perhaps you are exhausted from grief, perplexed by a lack of energy. Sometimes, it is hard when I am in the middle of this morass of feeling… hard to get up, to do something. Hard even, to write.

So I am writing? Partly to break out of my ennui, partly to offer a ray of hope for anyone out there who needs it.

I have been in a place like this before, and experience tells me that soon the sun will be begin to shine, the exhaustion will pass, the sorrow will calm into a dull throb and recede into the background.

Next week will be better.

update: Something about writing broke the energy block and I got up, did some dishes in the kitchen, sorted through some stuff in the office (I can now reach my workbench and there is even a small clear space to work on!), and wrote about the 6th Grade Language Arts program I helped with. Not nearly as tired as I was earlier…